Why You Keep Breaking Promises to Yourself (and How to Stop)

 Let me be clear: if you keep breaking promises to yourself, it doesn't mean you're lazy, broken, or unmotivated. It means you're running on an outdated strategy that your nervous system believes is keeping you safe even though it's sabotaging everything you want.

Your nervous system was wired early on to prioritize others before yourself. Not because you're weak. Because, as a child, that was survival.

Here’s what likely happened: Something made your body feel unsafe (maybe it was emotional neglect, dismissal, criticism, or chaos) and instead of receiving support to express and process those emotions, you internalized the experience. Your brain had two options:

1. Believe the world around you (especially your caregivers) was unsafe.

2. Believe you were the problem and needed to change to stay safe and loved.

As a kid, you chose #2—because to survive, you had to believe the people feeding and protecting you were trustworthy. So you took on the burden. You learned to dim your light, quiet your needs, and bend over backwards for others.

Fast forward: you're an adult. And now? Every time something goes wrong… you blame yourself. Every time you try to step into your power… you self-sabotage. Every time you try to change… you collapse back into what’s familiar.

It’s not your fault. It’s your wiring.

So what does this have to do with breaking promises? Because every time you abandoned your truth to keep the peace, you weakened the bridge of self-trust. Now when you say:

• "I'm going to start waking up earlier."

• "I'm going to eat better."

• "I'm going to finally launch the thing." Your system says: no you're not, because that’s not safe.

So how do we break the cycle?

We rebuild the relationship with ourselves. And here’s how:

1. Get clear on what actually matters to you. Not what your parents, partners, or Instagram say should matter. What lights you up? What makes you feel most you? Let this be messy, imperfect, and evolving.

2. Commit to one small act a day that honors your values. This might be:

   • A 10-minute walk with no phone

   • Cooking a meal you love

   • Journaling instead of numbing

   • Saying no when you mean it

3. Start questioning everything. Ask:

   • Am I doing this because it energizes me—or to avoid being disliked?

   • Am I choosing this food/workout/task from love—or shame?

   • Is this my value—or a story I was handed?

The goal isn’t perfection. It’s integrity. The confidence you’re craving is on the other side of keeping your word to your truth not to hustle, diet culture, or outdated expectations.

So start today. One choice. One moment. One promise kept. That’s how you come home to yourself.

Want to go deeper?

In a few weeks, I’m hosting a masterclass where we’ll dive into how trauma wires our behavior, how to rewire the brain-body loop, and how to build confidence that lasts. Sign up for my emails [here] to get first access.

You’re not broken. You’re being rebuilt.